When I was a child, I remember wanting to be the kind of family who take in people who don’t have anyone or who need a family. I’m sure in some ways that was spurred by the fact that I wanted a sister. We were, in a way. My family would take in cousins who needed somewhere to stay and brought friends or cousins along on most outings. When I was real small, my parents took in a friend of the family and contemplated adoption. The girl was almost of age so they decided not to but the thought was there. My extended family might also have played a role in this thinking because we welcomed anyone into the family, to any family occasion!
When I was 20 years old, I was a preschool teacher and one of my students was the adopted son of a teacher at the same preschool. I taught 2 year olds. The class was usually loud and busy, as you can only imagine. The kids were funny and sweet (some crazy) and impressionable. They were easy to love and just as easy to be irritated with. This little boy was no exception. Oh, how I loved him. He was wild and he was sweet. He was full of life and love and he had my heart. He could kick a ball around like no other 2 year old I knew. I was just totally in awe of this boy. He amazed me! I saw the love between him and his Mom. It was an even exchange and it was heart gripping to say the least. They had this little song they would sing. It was simple and wonderful. It went like this, “I love you so much, so much, so much. I love you so much, so much, so much!” That was all there was to it and it was evident, they fully meant it.
This boy was a drug baby when they first fostered him as an infant. He was just a little thing! They fed him and took great care of him. His new Daddy was able to be home with him the first year or so of his life. By the time I had the privilege to know him, he was a healthy 2 year old.
At nap time one day, I remember rubbing his back to help him fall asleep. This was common practice at nap time. This particular day, I was brushing his toe head blonde hair with my fingers and rubbing his back. I was looking into his sweet little face and I was amazed at my God. I felt sorry for his biological parents that they were missing out on this bundle of joy. I felt happy for him and his new parents because God had him for them and them for him. That feeling was so overwhelming for me and in that moment, I knew I could love a child as my own who was not born of me. I knew even if that child wasn’t flesh and blood, the child would be mine, always intended for me by my God who is the author of my life.
Ever since the nap that changed my life, I’ve looked forward to the day when I could share in this type of experience. I’ve never known what it would look like, still don’t. I don’t know when or how but I know someday! Every once in a while I day dream about a baby whose maybe being born as I think, or a child already out there who is mine. Luckily, I married a man who is on the same page as me. His desire has grown more in the past years for adoption.
Over the years, I’ve read things and seen things that increase my desire and my excitement for adoption. I read Barbara Walter’s memoir and in it was a story of a time when her adopted daughter asked about being born and she told her child, “You were born in my heart.” I thought that was a sweet way of putting it. I have two children now, born of my flesh, out of my womb but someday I’ll have one born of my heart and I love that child already!
My children got “Santa Paws” for Christmas. It’s a cute story with little orphan girls looking for love and family. It got my heart thinking again about taking someone in who needs a home, a little love. I asked the kids if maybe someday they would want to take in someone like those little girls without a mommy or daddy. They said yeah.
Right now, I’m in the process of reading “Choosing to See” by Mary Beth Chapman. It’s a heart wrenching story of the loss of a child but it’s also the story of the love of a child, born of her heart, as Barbara Walter’s would put it. It’s only making me yearn deeper to love a child who has none. I was reading a little this morning and my little ones wanted to see the pictures in the book so I was showing them. They wanted to know who everyone was and I would point everyone out and tell their names. I pointed out the three little adopted girls and told them they were little girls without a mommy and daddy just like the girls in the Santa Paws movie (which ironically we were watching at the time). I explained how God had a new Mommy and Daddy for them and now they have a family and even siblings. My kids were thrilled. I asked again if we should do this and if we did, would they want a boy or girl. Jordyn said girl. Levi said boy. (surprising, right?) Then they each cheered at the thought! It was food for my soul! They are so sweet!
I don’t know when or how but I am waiting more anxiously now for the day I meet my child, born in my heart, born in love, created by the God of the universe who loves us deeply!
Mom and Dad, the Chapman girls are from China! They actually have a place called Maria's Big House of Hope in China, named after their daughter they lost. It's a place for special needs orphans to receive good medical care. And they have a foundation called Show Hope for aiding in adoptions. It's an awesome story.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
When God moves
God has been moving and shaking up our lives as of recent. About a month ago we caught word that Chris’s name had been dropped as a potential candidate for a youth pastor position at New Day Christian Fellowship. I thought nothing of it, to be honest. My thoughts were, “Sandals is my home and I’m not going anywhere!” Ha Ha!!! Chris couldn’t get it off his head throughout the next week or so but out of fear or nerves or whatever you want to call it, he was ready to take the laid back approach and let the chips fall where they may. At small group the next week, he was advised by friends/fellow youth leaders that if this is his God given passion and he’s feeling a pull towards it, he should pursue it. And so began the process to change our comfy lives.
Chris called his former youth pastor/friend, who had dropped his name in the first place, to ask about how he should proceed. He gave Chris the Pastor’s number and told Chris to call him. Chris did just that and met with Pastor Richard, and some other church leaders, for dinner. When Chris called me after the meeting and told me it had gone well and Pastor Richard wanted to meet me and the kids, I immediately started crying. I felt overwhelmed with grief at the thought of leaving my home church, Sandals! Secretly, in the back of my mind, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. So was Chris! This is what we’re more accustomed to when it comes to things such as this. At the same time, I felt a strange peace about it. I would follow my husband anywhere but I hoped God would reveal to me whatever He was going to reveal to Chris. So, that’s what I prayed… for peace, for wisdom in making the right decision, for confirmation from accountability and for us to move where He would have us move.
We made plans to meet with Pastor Richard and his wife, Cathy. I loved them from the get go. My kids loved them too (their dogs pretty much sealed the deal as far as the kids were concerned!) We had to overcome all kinds of obstacles that day just to make it to the meeting (random sickness, car accident, missing keys, peepee pants). I told Chris, either God or Satan doesn’t want you to have this job. Satan confirmed what I already felt in my heart, God wants to use my husband to communicate to and love on the youth at New Day Christian Fellowship.
We wanted to visit the church and asked God to seal the deal in our hearts either way. We both felt like we wanted to say yes but were very cautious to put that out there, to say it out loud! Inside, I was feeling less grief about leaving Sandals. It comes and goes in waves. I find myself having to go over the list of reasons for why we were going to leave our church home. The place we love. The place we walked through our dating life at, our engagement, our marriage, having kids and much more. The church we’ve grown leaps and bounds through! We love our church! The accuser was making me doubt the decision I was leaning towards. Chris met up with David Torna who is the Jr high youth minister at Sandals and a friend. David asked him some good questions. They were meant for Chris but one in particular really made my decision more final. The question was, “Why leave the church you already have community in and are effectively serving at?” Chris answered, “ When the passion you have is not fulfilled by just being a volunteer. He feels the passion he has for youth has never been truly fulfilled due to time constraints and even though he has been effective at Frontside, he feels taking this position will allow God to use his gifts and passion to be fully effective. That was it for me! The answer to that question for me is, when God moves you! I don’t want to leave the church I have community in and that I’ve effectively served at, but it’s not all about me and what I want. I want to stay with my friends, the Pastor I love listening to and God has used to grow me so much in my faith, the church I call my home. If God wants me to serve effectively to others who are in need of what God can do through me and Chris especially, then I’m going there! And we both said yes to the new position at our new church home! We are excited, nervous and sad at the same time but we are at peace and have great hope in God’s plan! We are thrilled to take everything God’s taught us through Sandals church to a new congregation. We are so thankful for all Sandals has done in our lives and for the role it’s played in keeping our marriage together. We will always love Sandals and be in support of them! We could never express just how much we mean that. Sandals holds a special place in our hearts forever!
Thank you to all the people at Sandals who’ve played a special role in God’s plan to grow and change us! We love you all! We won’t say goodbye. We’ll see you around!
Thank you to our friends and family who have been instrumental in our lives and particularly in supporting us in this decision! You’ve been wonderful! We love you much!
Chris, Helen, Jordyn and Levi McNiel
Written from Helen’s perspective
Chris called his former youth pastor/friend, who had dropped his name in the first place, to ask about how he should proceed. He gave Chris the Pastor’s number and told Chris to call him. Chris did just that and met with Pastor Richard, and some other church leaders, for dinner. When Chris called me after the meeting and told me it had gone well and Pastor Richard wanted to meet me and the kids, I immediately started crying. I felt overwhelmed with grief at the thought of leaving my home church, Sandals! Secretly, in the back of my mind, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. So was Chris! This is what we’re more accustomed to when it comes to things such as this. At the same time, I felt a strange peace about it. I would follow my husband anywhere but I hoped God would reveal to me whatever He was going to reveal to Chris. So, that’s what I prayed… for peace, for wisdom in making the right decision, for confirmation from accountability and for us to move where He would have us move.
We made plans to meet with Pastor Richard and his wife, Cathy. I loved them from the get go. My kids loved them too (their dogs pretty much sealed the deal as far as the kids were concerned!) We had to overcome all kinds of obstacles that day just to make it to the meeting (random sickness, car accident, missing keys, peepee pants). I told Chris, either God or Satan doesn’t want you to have this job. Satan confirmed what I already felt in my heart, God wants to use my husband to communicate to and love on the youth at New Day Christian Fellowship.
We wanted to visit the church and asked God to seal the deal in our hearts either way. We both felt like we wanted to say yes but were very cautious to put that out there, to say it out loud! Inside, I was feeling less grief about leaving Sandals. It comes and goes in waves. I find myself having to go over the list of reasons for why we were going to leave our church home. The place we love. The place we walked through our dating life at, our engagement, our marriage, having kids and much more. The church we’ve grown leaps and bounds through! We love our church! The accuser was making me doubt the decision I was leaning towards. Chris met up with David Torna who is the Jr high youth minister at Sandals and a friend. David asked him some good questions. They were meant for Chris but one in particular really made my decision more final. The question was, “Why leave the church you already have community in and are effectively serving at?” Chris answered, “ When the passion you have is not fulfilled by just being a volunteer. He feels the passion he has for youth has never been truly fulfilled due to time constraints and even though he has been effective at Frontside, he feels taking this position will allow God to use his gifts and passion to be fully effective. That was it for me! The answer to that question for me is, when God moves you! I don’t want to leave the church I have community in and that I’ve effectively served at, but it’s not all about me and what I want. I want to stay with my friends, the Pastor I love listening to and God has used to grow me so much in my faith, the church I call my home. If God wants me to serve effectively to others who are in need of what God can do through me and Chris especially, then I’m going there! And we both said yes to the new position at our new church home! We are excited, nervous and sad at the same time but we are at peace and have great hope in God’s plan! We are thrilled to take everything God’s taught us through Sandals church to a new congregation. We are so thankful for all Sandals has done in our lives and for the role it’s played in keeping our marriage together. We will always love Sandals and be in support of them! We could never express just how much we mean that. Sandals holds a special place in our hearts forever!
Thank you to all the people at Sandals who’ve played a special role in God’s plan to grow and change us! We love you all! We won’t say goodbye. We’ll see you around!
Thank you to our friends and family who have been instrumental in our lives and particularly in supporting us in this decision! You’ve been wonderful! We love you much!
Chris, Helen, Jordyn and Levi McNiel
Written from Helen’s perspective
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